The Name Behind the News
August 9, 2020
Edition 01
Happy Sunday and welcome to Scott’s Edition, the newest addition to your inbox! While I can’t promise engaging content or even coherent writing, I can promise that I’ll only ever send you one email per week.
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Weekly Stats (and more!)
James River Gage Height --> 5.10 feet, ↑ 17% in the past week.
Scott’s Height --> 5’10”, ↑ 450% in the past 25 years.
Maddie’s latest bedtime -->11:14 PM
Social Distancing Distance --> 6’, no change from prior week
Gold --> $2,034.80, ↓ -0.43% since Friday.
The forecast is calling for sunny skies with temps in the mid-80s all week. Unfortunately for us Richmonders, that’s the weather forecast for Honolulu, HI. We’ll have thunderstorms all week here.
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Weekly Scottlight
Each week, the Edition will catch up with someone and get to know them a bit better. As this is the first week, I wanted to interview the creator of Scott’s Edition himself, Scott. I was able to sit down with Scott this weekend and we really hit it off. Here’s the transcript:
SCOTT: So, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where are you from?
SCOTT: I’m originally from New Jersey.
SCOTT: No way! Me too.
SCOTT: That’s a pretty stupid joke. Are you really going to include that in the newsletter?
SCOTT: Probably. Anyway, what inspired you to create Scott’s Edition?
SCOTT: Well, I just moved to Richmond, VA into a neighborhood called Scott’s Addition. The word “addition” sounds a lot like “edition,” so I thought I’d really commit to the pun and spend several hours a week generating meaningless content for a handful of close friends.
SCOTT: Wonderful. It’s not like there are real problems in the world that you could contribute your time to. I think a silly little newsletter is smart.
SCOTT: Exactly. I mean, if we could just -
SCOTT: Well that’s all the time we have today. Thanks for joining me.
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Scott’s Sports Statements
Sportscenter, FirstTake, and other sports-centric news shows tend to focus on only the best athletes and stories. I think this is unfair. I’d like to use this platform to highlight the underperformers and give them the recognition they may not deserve.
NBA
Jakaar Sampson (#14) is a small forward for the Indiana Pacers. Since the restart began in Orlando last month, he’s averaged an unimpressive 2.2 field goals per game in 14.4 minutes of playing time. When asked about Sampson’s contributions to the team, Head Coach Nate McMillan responded, “Who?”
WNBA
Many of the country’s top athletes have opted out of their respective sports leagues this season amid coronavirus concerns. The graph below underscores that no league has been more impacted than the WNBA with 26% of the top players choosing to sit out. I dug into the stats of these players and have found a significant decline in on-court productivity. The top 11 players sitting out have made zero field goals, recorded no assists, and haven’t brought down a single rebound. Hopefully they can turn their season around.
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Jake’s Bucket List
Our good friend Jake is leaving the Mond and heading out West to the state with the most O’s in its name, Colorado (of course, Ohio takes the top spot for O’s per letter). Each week, we’ll update his Richmond Bucket List.
Live music at The Hof rooftop. Jake’s favorite genre is reggae meets classic jazz.
Flaming Cheese at Stella’s. Not sure why he wants to make fun of cheese, but okay.
Drink wine at Brambly.
Plan a heist.
Discover the meaning of life.
Have a suggestion for Jake’s Bucket List? Then reply to this email and let me know!
Don’t have a suggestion for Jake’s Bucket List? Then don’t do anything!
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Hot or Not
Fire: Hot!
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Comics, Described
Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.
Garfield by Jim Davis for August 03, 2020
In Panel 1, we see Garfield wrapped up in a blanket in his cat bed. His eyes are glazed over as he looks at his cell phone. There is a thought bubble over Garfield’s head that shows he is thinking, “I’m tired of being cooped up inside.”
In Panel 2, we see a lush green forest and hear a door “Slam!” off-panel. Presumably, this is Garfield leaving his home in order to no longer be cooped up inside.
In Panel 3, we confirm our suspicions are correct, as we now see Garfield in the middle of the lush green forest. However, he is in the same position as he was in Panel 1! He’s wrapped in a blanket in his bed, still scrolling through his phone. Though he is now outside, it appears his life has not changed at all. Classic Garfield!
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That’s all I’ve got for this week. If you’ve made it this far, thank you! If not, you’re a real piece of shit.
If you think your friends would get a kick out of Scott’s Edition, please share my website and have them subscribe.
If you have ideas or want to be involved in creating content for the newsletter, just reply to this email and let me know.
If you’d like to unsubscribe, that’s probably a good decision. Just email me, and I’ll remove you from the mailing list.
I’m Scott, and this is Scott’s Edition. Have a great start to the week!
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